Former professional hobo. Current
destroyer shaper of children's futures.
—Best That I Can
Lately I’ve been seriously considering going to Ilo for Christmas break. It’s mostly caused by the arrival of my baby niece and our new puppy. And by “mostly” I mean “purely” coz like, I’m not entirely sure what else is there for me. Going back to Ilo for the baby and the puppy is nice in theory but if those are the only reasons then I’m sure once I’m there I’ll wonder why the hell I didn’t stay in Jakarta. Even if I’m having serious problems with Jakarta right now.
I feel so displaced.
Maybe I should find a new country to waste away in next year. And do that every year. Other people call that travelling. I call that escaping.
Escaping from what, though.
Maybe in December I’ll just go away somewhere. I have this friend from college, Matt, who backpacked around Europe for six weeks. Alone. There might have been a time when the idea of my doing that would have caused euphoria, but these days, no fucking way. I am tired of being alone all the fucking time.
Anyways, my cough syrup is starting to kick in and I still need to finish a worksheet. I fucking hate everything.
—Love For Granted
I’ve just missed Phoenix a lot lately.
So I’ve been on the pill for a while now to regulate my period, but for the past month I’ve been so shitty with regards to remembering to take it. Like for example, a few weeks ago, I skipped on taking 7. Seven. If I was having (unprotected) sex I am so in danger of being a disgrace. But then again I would never knowingly have unprotected sex I am way too paranoid. But then again drunken encounters are too legit. Especially when you’ve been drinking
You, my friend, are the motherfucking devil.
Sometimes I ask myself “why do you still talk to the Internet no one is listening” and then I answer myself “exactly bro. That’s the point.”
When shit got real a few months ago I ditched this blog for an old (I’m talking 2008 old) one on Wordpress that everybody had forgotten about, which meant that it was “safe”.
This is from 12th Feb 2014. This is my entire existence in one single blog post.
I just spent 3 hours in Koultoura, this cafe nearby. I go there every other day to escape the smothering embrace that is my home-slash-workplace. Also because they’ve got a really fantastic Internet connection (usually; today not so much and by that I mean it was really shitty).
Normally I go there with the earnest intent to get work done but today I actually got shit done. I finished my lesson plan for the week, compared to when I never did my lesson plan ever. I also finished a couple of worksheets. Derping j u s t i f i e d.
B just asked me if I’m ok today. So kind of her to remember that I am in the middle of yet another spiral. Today is okay, relatively, compared to earlier this week. I mean, seriously, on Thursday, I was checking my kids’ worksheets, right? And one of my co-workers, she plays a shitload of One Direction while we’re all working after hours. Anyways “Something Great” (one of my secret favourites) plays and when the line that goes “You’re all I want/ So much it’s hurting” came on I just practically broke down. AND THAT LINE IS SUNG BY LOUIS AND LOUIS’S VOICE IRKS ME.
So like, that’s how my week went. Spontaneous combustion courtesy of One fucking Direction. Maybe today is okay because it’s Sunday and I didn’t work today.
Motherfuck today is Sunday. Which means tomorrow is Monday.
Sometimes I blame work for my feels when they’re pretty much brought on by everything else.