22 7 / 2014

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY. TOMORROW I AM <insert amount here> RICHER. Oh sweet baby Jesus thank you. I’ve only been teaching for a little over two weeks but man am I exhausted. Today was my first opportunity to lose my temper with one of my kids. He’s kind of a little !@#$%^&* you know. One of those smart types that have horrid personalities. I was yelling at him and all the while that I was yelling at him I kind of floated above myself and I was all “oh my god is that me raising my voice at a kid” but I swear I wanted to do more than just raise my voice.

Kids can be such little shits sometimes.

Am listening to the FioS soundtrack and every single time the momentum gets ruined by Bomfalleralla.

I want to write. I wish I would let me.

20 7 / 2014

It hurts me right down to my soul that this song is only less than two minutes when I want it to go on forever.

20 7 / 2014

I HAVE A NEW LIFEGOAL.

For some reason, I’ve been craving brie all day. And then of course I inevitably remember Liz Lemon and her #NightCheese

so that is my new lifegoal: to work on my night cheese. Cheese (good cheese) is expensive so maybe I’ll do #NightCheese just one night a week like maybe Friday or Saturday (assuming I don’t have plans on those nights, but this is me we’re talking about…). Eat a different sort of cheese every week. AND THEN PAIR IT WITH BEER. OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED FOR ME.

Okay you can’t just come up to me and slap the beer away from my hand and say “GOOD GOD WOMAN! YOU DRINK WINE WITH CHEESE!” because I will never listen to you.

Although I’m perfectly aware of the possible disaster cheese+beer could be. Depends on the cheese. And the beer. I don’t know. We’ll find out on my first #NightCheese Night.

In other news, I am heavily Vancouver Sleep Clinic-ing.

19 7 / 2014

Just got home from dinner and karaoke fun times with the teachers. They are such fun people, although I have steadily been realising (and accepting) that they’re so different from me. I once described them to Indit and Dodil as “rough”, like…in the “unrefined” context. Sometimes they could even be a tad rude or ill-mannered, but I’m slowly learning that this is mostly because they don’t give a shit and a lot of what they do or say revolves around just having and being fun. To be honest, they’re not the kind of people that I could mix with my other social circles (and, currently, by that, I mean Dodil+Indit), but at the same time I wouldn’t hesitate to spend time with them outside of school.

Last day of school before Lebaran break is next Tuesday the 22nd, which is also my first payday THANK YOU JESUS. My only real “urgent” first purchase is a computer, which may not be a necessity since the school has actually provided me with a computer, but I definitely don’t want to fill it with personal crap. OK FINE so I’ve downloaded films but these can easily be transferred to my external HD.

I just need a computer, okay. It’s 2014. Who doesn’t.

Already I am stressing out about the fact that my salary isn’t exactly “disposable”, and that I shouldn’t be so irresponsible; although if I really think about it, it is, because it’s not like I’m spending it on a child I’m raising or…like…I don’t know what it is responsible people spend on.

On the other hand, I know more than I care to about my parents’ financial history, so I know as much as I care to that I shouldn’t turn out like them.

Also there is the nakedly simple fact that I am much too old to be irresponsible. And in other non-financially-related ways, much too scarred to be reckless.

Otherwise I would just be taking the wisdom I excruciatingly gained and shitting on it.

Don’t you just hate it when I go from something completely unrelated to vague admissions of bad life decisions, and spiralling from it.

*SELF-LOATHING COMMENCE*

17 7 / 2014

[06:52] I never think of myself as “a writer”, because I am way too insecure to consider myself to have such an identity, especially one that I actually want to be. Often, though, I find myself thinking about things in a…literary way.

For example, our water cooler is one of those completely inadequate water coolers that only heats water. So I thought, “Like all those designed to give us two things, it suddenly becomes equipped to give us only one thing, specifically the thing we desire less between the two.” And I caught myself thinking that, and I thought, “Is this it? Is this how writers think?”

And then I said, “No. Of course not. You’re not a writer. You just like to think things that waste time.”

I have to get ready for shule now.

16 7 / 2014

Current jam.

16 7 / 2014

It’s been raining quite hard lately and the school is in a flood-prone area so here’s hoping that it floods so school’s out.

Yes, I kind of hate my job so far. Nobody’s surprised.

Anyways, I finally figured out why my Internet connection is shitty as fuck. Cristy has been hogging the bandwidth like hell. She keeps Skype on basically 24/7 (she literally said this) and the times that she’s not on Skype or working on something, she’s watching The Voice PH on YouTube. I could just so easily murder her (her room is right across mine) but she’s really, very nice and doesn’t know the crime she’s committing.

In other news, I’m downloading clips for my kids to watch during snack time. Cristy gave the teachers these educational vids but oh god they’re so boring. Not just for me but for my kids, too. Just downloaded some Frozen clips because that’s the only thing I could think of. Now downloading Sesame Street clips featuring Ben Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston (courtesy of Indit) and ants fighting spiders (courtesy of Mac).

My “DO YOU THINK I CAN SHOW THEM ADVENTURE TIME CLIPS" has been vetoed by all parties. As it should, because AT is inappropriate as fuck, but UGH. Why, world.

Oh Fionna
Your fist has touched my heart
Oh Fionna
I won’t let anything in this world keep us apart

I love AT.

13 7 / 2014

So I’m back. HAfuckingHA. Hold on a second I need to tie my hair up.

Right. So I made a new blog that’s supposed to chronicle my new role as a contributing member to society (aka a preschool teacher) but I always feel like I have to be guarded over there. I can’t “BE MYSELF” you know? So that’s why I’m here. “Here” being the hallowed place where the wretched are free to be wretched.

Also, I have missed this blog. It’s who I am. LUL.

Today’s a Sunday. Cristy, school principal and also hailing from the shithole that is Iloilo, invited me to go to church with her. I agreed but I didn’t wake up until it was time to leave. Classic me, amirite. I’ve just been making my worksheets since then.

That’s my life now. Making worksheets and downloading clipart and googling bulletin board ideas and structured play ideas and all that jazz. I mean, look at my browser bookmarks:

Pinterest. Whutup.

Right now I’m waiting ‘til 12 nn ‘coz that’s when the nearest coffee shop opens. I revolve my spare time around coffee shops because those are the only places I can smoke in. Life is hard, bruh. I should prolly not go around buying cigarettes and ordering coffee, though, ‘coz I’m broke.

But if I don’t smoke I might die.

So, broke or dead?

Aren’t they the same?

07 11 / 2013

03 11 / 2013

I cannot fight, the sleep is droning
Into the motion, into the night
Is it the glow that keeps you moving
Hemiplegia holds me tight