27 7 / 2014

When I was writing this, this song popped into my head. My brain has a habit of bursting into love songs from musicals/Broadway whenever I see an SCG.

27 7 / 2014

moonclown just told me about a cute guy she saw on the train and I’m like “UGH surprise cute guys are just the best” so now I just wanna list down the random Things that are Just the Best.

Things that are Just the Best #1:

Surprise Cute Guys/Girls.

Significantly attractive men/women that you see out and about in public. You know, the ones that you’ll only see that day and never see again, and you’ll feel a painful twang in the heartstrings but it makes the sighting all the more special. And, for the ten minutes that you are walking in the same direction, or (lucky you!) the two hours you share on the same train, you’ve already envisioned the perfect life you will have together. Sometimes, SCGs can be the only rays of sunshine on a shitstorm day, and for that, we are eternally grateful.

26 7 / 2014

A little over 24 hours at my parents’ and already I want to leave. It’s not enough that I live in a different part of the city; I have to live in a different country. I’m sure everyone who has already moved out and visits their parents knows what I’m talking about. It’s things like “why are you lazing around make yourself useful you’re 23” or “it’s 3 in the afternoon and you’re only eating lunch?” or just general nagging shit. Also, it doesn’t help that my parents bitch about each other to me.

Ugh me bitching about it annoys me too. UGH.

25 7 / 2014

Right. So I’m off to stay at my parents’ for Lebaran.

Not all of life is cruel
Not all of life is so untrue

I’m still very much consumed by this. Feelings. Such unwanted feelings. On the other hand, it feels nice to be hopeful every once in a while, just because it’s unlike me.

I have to go shower now.

24 7 / 2014

Current jam.

Because…of…some feels…

24 7 / 2014

Got my first paycheck yesterday, so I decided to attempt to shop today. Went to have lunch with Indit and when she went back to work I decided to, you know…shop.

I had gone into two stores when I realised that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I was actually really frustrated ‘coz I didn’t wanna go home empty-handed, you know? Like, dude, it is hard work going into stores and browsing shit and trying shit on, so after all that, I wanted to have something to show for it, you know? At this point a little over thirty minutes had elapsed, which is a huge waste of time considering I’m attempting to purchase a basic need.

I was actually kind of angry with myself I almost teared up. Like oh my god how is shopping for clothes beyond my intellectual capacity? Like isn’t shopping supposed to be mindless?! Shit, man. I almost called up my mom.

I was that desperate.

So I thought, maybe a different mall would yield different results. So I messaged Cristy to meet me at a mall near our place, and I DON’T KNOW WHY but I was able to buy two tops. Both white because I am trying to have a thing. So yeah. Three hours = two tops. It wasn’t because of Cristy either ‘coz I had finished all my shopping by the time she arrived. I don’t know.

I am exhausted.

22 7 / 2014

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY. TOMORROW I AM <insert amount here> RICHER. Oh sweet baby Jesus thank you. I’ve only been teaching for a little over two weeks but man am I exhausted. Today was my first opportunity to lose my temper with one of my kids. He’s kind of a little !@#$%^&* you know. One of those smart types that have horrid personalities. I was yelling at him and all the while that I was yelling at him I kind of floated above myself and I was all “oh my god is that me raising my voice at a kid” but I swear I wanted to do more than just raise my voice.

Kids can be such little shits sometimes.

Am listening to the FioS soundtrack and every single time the momentum gets ruined by Bomfalleralla.

I want to write. I wish I would let me.

20 7 / 2014

It hurts me right down to my soul that this song is only less than two minutes when I want it to go on forever.

20 7 / 2014

I HAVE A NEW LIFEGOAL.

For some reason, I’ve been craving brie all day. And then of course I inevitably remember Liz Lemon and her #NightCheese

so that is my new lifegoal: to work on my night cheese. Cheese (good cheese) is expensive so maybe I’ll do #NightCheese just one night a week like maybe Friday or Saturday (assuming I don’t have plans on those nights, but this is me we’re talking about…). Eat a different sort of cheese every week. AND THEN PAIR IT WITH BEER. OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED FOR ME.

Okay you can’t just come up to me and slap the beer away from my hand and say “GOOD GOD WOMAN! YOU DRINK WINE WITH CHEESE!” because I will never listen to you.

Although I’m perfectly aware of the possible disaster cheese+beer could be. Depends on the cheese. And the beer. I don’t know. We’ll find out on my first #NightCheese Night.

In other news, I am heavily Vancouver Sleep Clinic-ing.

19 7 / 2014

Just got home from dinner and karaoke fun times with the teachers. They are such fun people, although I have steadily been realising (and accepting) that they’re so different from me. I once described them to Indit and Dodil as “rough”, like…in the “unrefined” context. Sometimes they could even be a tad rude or ill-mannered, but I’m slowly learning that this is mostly because they don’t give a shit and a lot of what they do or say revolves around just having and being fun. To be honest, they’re not the kind of people that I could mix with my other social circles (and, currently, by that, I mean Dodil+Indit), but at the same time I wouldn’t hesitate to spend time with them outside of school.

Last day of school before Lebaran break is next Tuesday the 22nd, which is also my first payday THANK YOU JESUS. My only real “urgent” first purchase is a computer, which may not be a necessity since the school has actually provided me with a computer, but I definitely don’t want to fill it with personal crap. OK FINE so I’ve downloaded films but these can easily be transferred to my external HD.

I just need a computer, okay. It’s 2014. Who doesn’t.

Already I am stressing out about the fact that my salary isn’t exactly “disposable”, and that I shouldn’t be so irresponsible; although if I really think about it, it is, because it’s not like I’m spending it on a child I’m raising or…like…I don’t know what it is responsible people spend on.

On the other hand, I know more than I care to about my parents’ financial history, so I know as much as I care to that I shouldn’t turn out like them.

Also there is the nakedly simple fact that I am much too old to be irresponsible. And in other non-financially-related ways, much too scarred to be reckless.

Otherwise I would just be taking the wisdom I excruciatingly gained and shitting on it.

Don’t you just hate it when I go from something completely unrelated to vague admissions of bad life decisions, and spiralling from it.

*SELF-LOATHING COMMENCE*